belonging vs. fitting in
When I was a kid, I ate up America. I so very much wanted to belong to something. My family are immigrants to this country, I, a first-gen, (third culture iykyk) have no roots in this country, and no footing in my parents' homeland. This place was all I knew. My parents came to the states before the Reagan-era, and we were surrounded by white influence. Despite growing up in a mixed culture neighborhood, I went to a predominantly white church, I went to a PWI for most of my schooling, and the community that took my parents in when they were making their way in this country were all white folks.
All that shaped the view I formed of the US in my early childhood. I ate Americana up, I thought, "if I can show I love America like all these people who surround me, they will surely accept me." As I entered middle school, and my horizon stretched, I started to feel that couldn't be further from the truth. Still, I tried to be accepted in a community that ultimately always found a way to marginalize me in the same ways so many other communities have been in the course of the creation of this country.
As a teen, I started to reject the constructs and ideals of America through that lens of nationalism, wholesale. As I splintered off from the myopic, bigoted thinking that enveloped me in the communities my family chose to align with, and I found less and less in common with my family of origin in ideals and values, I began to wander away from the idea of celebrating a history of this country through a day and events that were meant to erase the exploitation, death, and destruction and history of deeply rooted racism under the guise of patriotism.
For those who have latched onto the idea of American nationalism, I get it, you want to feel like you fit in a place that you call home. And yet, every sense of American patriotism is meant to loudly show and tell you every which way you don't belong here.
To celebrate the fourth of july, especially as an immigrant can sometimes feel like a fine excuse to BBQ, watch some fireworks, and have a little party, yet, you must consider that you are silently adopting the ideology that has brought so much harm to millions of people in this country and abroad. Harm that started before the inception of this nation and continues on through this minute.
There's nothing inherently wrong about being proud of the nation you live in, so long as that nation takes the steps to acknowledge and repair the transgressions it has committed for centuries. At some point, we have to reflect on what this day really means, the symbols that are celebrated, and the messages that are spread. It's important to examine what being 'American' means to you. Who does America belong to? And choose whether we participate in the ongoing cycle of coercion and oppression or step more boldly into collective liberation.